close encounters of the WEIRD kind

While cashiering today at Kmart, I ran into a rather peculiar woman. Apparently she is in the store very frequently, but this is the first time she has ever graced me with her presence, although I had heard of her previously. The unusual conversation started off something like this:

Crazy Lady: Does working at this place ever give you headaches?
Me: Yeah, quite a lot.
Me thinking: The people in this place give me a headache
CL: Well, you know why that is, don't you?
M: No, not really
M: Mostly because customers around here are morons and rude to me all day . . .
CL: It's because of the electronics in the air; your body is made of water and electricity, and the government is controlling the masses with the electricity, to turn them into mindless zombies. That's why I wear this hat *points to blue straw hat on her head*
M: Oh really? That's really interesting. How do they do that?

She then goes on to tell me that the government is really controlled by aliens and the UFOs in outerspace. She says the aliens are the reason that the United States is a government superpower, because the aliens are trying to rule the world through us. She also said that the UFOs and aliens are the reason that Bush was elected president (that might explain it . . . ) and she even went on to claim that Jesus Christ is evil. Because the light and electricity that flows through the air is evil and controlled by the government, and in the Bible, Jesus Christ is the one who fills us with light, therefore making him evil.

Now, I'm not a highly religious person, and anyone could tell you that, but jeez. That's going way out of line, don't you think?

At this point, I'm hoping that it stays slow and I don't get any more customers in my line, because this is pure entertainment, and the checkers around me are snickering in the background, and I'm trying hard to keep a straight face and to look interested in what she has to say. I don't want to look too skeptical, or she might stop talking. She claims to have much literature on this (National Enquirer?) and that it is very true. She says that the UFOs hover over her house all the time, that there are beams of light shining over her house, sometimes as strong as search lights, shining into her window. The reason for the aliens buzzing over her house all the time? She's onto them. She knows their secret, and they want her to stop telling people. Hmm. I wonder if I'm going to get any hoving lights over my apartment now that I'm clued in to what the government and UFOs are doing to us.

She states that the aliens watch bloodlines of humans very closely, because they are reptilian, and they are interbreeding with humans; that's what's happening when they abduct a human - they are breeding with them and making a super-race to command the whole world with. It will happen very soon, she says, just you wait.

And wouldn't you know, just as it was getting good, someone came up behind her and started putting stuff down on the counter. Damnit. We all had a good chuckle today because of this, and maybe I'll run into her again. One can only hope.